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Back When I Was A Kid

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Back When I Was A Kid...

We must eliminate from our minds a few phrases when we are making decisions about how we will be raising our kids. They are the sayings like: "When I was a kid..." and "If I had done that when I was a kid, my dad would have..." or "Back when we were in school they used to..."

Now, this may sound odd to you coming on the heels of our last article where we took the stand that as a nation, we need to "recapture the sound of our kids among us just like we used to up at old Fairview Hall." There is an important distinction here. As parents we must never allow ourselves to fall into the trap of using "because it was done before," or "it has always been that way," or "that was the way my parents did it," as the sole justification for our actions with our kids. It is imperative that we have a sound behavioral, moral, spiritual, ethical, or legal justifications for the actions we are teaching to or demanding of our children. We must be able to explain to our kids in a very logical way, why we are asking them to behave in a particular manner. In essence, we must not only decide: 1) WHAT it is that we want our kids to do but we must also decide, 2) WHY we want them to do it! "Because it was done to me," is never a good enough reason to repeat it with our children.

There have been a ton of mistakes made in the past and we are doomed to repeat them if we are not careful to think long and hard about the justification for duplicating those actions with our kids. Following are a couple examples to demonstrate what we are talking about.

Two historical events demonstrate the obvious problems with doing what has always been done before. Slavery was common in early America. We certainly would not advocate the continuation of that practice today simply because it was done before. Neither would we teach our children that women should
be second-class citizens in the United States even though they were not even legally recognized under the Constitution until the 19th Amendment was adopted in the early 20th century. Simply saying that women should not vote only because they never had in the past was a ludicrous idea.

Likewise, it is foolish for us to tell our children that they should wear certain types of clothing simply because that has been an appropriate style in the past. The same goes for hairstyles and many other standards and customs for behavior. Let's look at establishing dress codes for kids.

We are not proposing abandoning all standards of dress for young people but rather, we are saying that we ought to make the standards logical and explainable in a reasoned sort of way and not just on the "If I had dressed that way my Dad would have killed me," sort of an explanation.

We can have dress codes... but why do we have them is the critical question. Nobody, in their right mind would say that we scrap any sense of awareness of how our kids dress themselves. However, dressing in a certain way because a previous generation did is rather silly to impose upon our kids (unless, of course, we would like to go back and begin dressing like our forefathers who wrote that Constitution did, simply because "that's the way they used to do it in this country.") Hey, let's get a few pictures of ourselves as teens and we can readily see that even we had some rather strange ways of dressing by today's standards.

The issue is "why?" Why are we asking our kids to dress in certain ways?

Here is a possible discussion:

"But Dad, why can't I dye my hair blue (wear spandex shorts to church, wear this provocative Jennifer Lopez top, use four letter words at the mall like the other kids, etc.)?"

"Well, my child, you probably could do that and in a perfect world it really wouldn't matter. But, we do not live in a perfect world. We live in a world that has a few flaws: one of them being that most people in this world make a ton of snap judgments based upon some rather narrow preconceived ideas. It is a fact that most of the people you meet will not be able to see beyond the blue hair (or loud dress, etc.) to get to know you. Many of those same people are in a position to control the circumstances of your life or pass judgments about you that have a huge impact upon your life. For the same reason that it would be a bad idea to wear a ball cap to a funeral, it is a bad idea to dye your hair blue... most people would interpret it wrongly. A ball cap at a funeral would be viewed by most as being extremely disrespectful of the person being honored by the funeral. Blue hair would likewise be interpreted by most people as a sign of disrespect for others."

"But dad, that's just the point, I'm trying to show my individuality. I don't want to just be like everyone else."

"Great son, I am all in favor of you being a one-of-a-kind individual, but anyone can dye their hair. Why not distinguish yourself by being truly excellent at something? Or why not try to undo some terrible wrong done by society? Why not distinguish yourself by making the world a better place? I'd love to help you. What is the cause that you would like to choose? If the only way that you can come up with to make yourself different is dying your hair, I would be disappointed in you because you are such a unique person with so much to offer."

Let us, as parents, become their teachers and give them some good solid reasons to choose to adjust their behavior in positive and productive ways simply because it makes sense to them.
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BONUS : Backpacks For Young Children

Why would anyone buy backpacks for young children? Your toddler will feel important if she has her own backpack to take with her to Grandma’s house for an overnight visit. My two-year old twin nephews who were being potty trained, wanted “back backs” to carry their own lunches for a trip to the zoo.

I bought them Bob the Builder and Elmo When I took them for an overnight visit, they insisted on bringing their packs with big boy “drawers”. For kids two to five years old a backpack with their favorite cartoon, storybook, or movie character, makes a great birthday present. Fill them with a toy, storybook and a tee shirt with images of the character, and maybe add a bit of candy and a fast food gift certificate.

The child will love it. Put some books, and a few quiet toys in your daughter’s Dora The Explorer backpack to keep her occupied while waiting in the doctor’s office. Going on a long car trip? Let the kids choose some handheld games, books, pencil, paper, coloring book and crayons to amuse them selves in the car.

Backpacks for young children can help to ease the apprehension of going to nursery school, if they can feel like big kids because they save their very own school bag, like their big brothers and sister. You can use these kiddie backpacks to start teaching the kids how to properly wear and lift a backpack so that when they go to elementary school, they will already have good habits.

There are some really cute backpacks available for the little ones. You can get Winnie the Pooh, Barbie, Yu-Gi-Oh, Power Puff Girls, Sponge Bob, Finding Nemo , Blues Clues, and Hello Kitty to name just a few of the Character backpacks we have found. You can also get backpacks that look like lions, ladybugs, giraffes, cows, frogs, turtles, puppies, kittens, elephants and horses, the list goes on and on.

Maybe your son can bring his “lovey” to school in his backpack, but check with the nursery school first. Some don’t want book bags and some don’t allow “loveys”. It is usually 1st grade before the kids need book bags. Before buying a backpack check with the school., some schools require see through bags, which make it easier to spot contraband like weapons or drugs.

Mesh bags are more durable than the vinyl see- through backpacks, and not that much more expensive. Now is the time to teach your kids backpack safety. Do not permit them to take items like radios, CD players and hand-held games to school. Not only may they be confiscated by the school but they add unnecessary weight to the load your child has to carry every day.

Teach them the proper way to lift and carry a backpack. At this age your child probably doesn’t require a serious backpack with the extra padding and waist and chest straps. That wont be needed until maybe third grade. Young children pre-school to !st grade probably don’t need a backpack at all, but if they want one cute animal or character bags will serve them just fine. Consider backpacks for young children, as a learning experience for both of you.
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