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Am I Hurting My Child By Staying Home

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Am I Hurting My Child By Staying Home?

It's something many stay at home moms fear, that they are hurting their child socially by not putting them in daycare or doing a million activities with them from the time they are born. But it's not something you need to worry too much about, so long as your children do get some social time.

Infants, of course, don't really play with each other, so that early in the game there is little to worry about. But as they grow into toddlers, they definitely need to be around other children, even if they don't interact much until they are 2 years old or so.

One thing to remember is that activities don't have to be formal. You don't have to pay for art classes, gymnastics, etc. Just take the kids to the park. Most times there will be other children there for them to interact with if they like. Or they can just run around and play on the playground equipment.

Especially if there are cousins or neighborhood children of similar ages around, it can be very helpful to get the kids together just casually. Whether you do this by having all the kids play out front, in one family's back yard or have quick get-togethers, this is a great way to ensure that your child does get some social time.

Of course, if your child has spent a lot of time with just you, it can be hard to get them to pay any attention to the other children. You may have to work harder in this case.

One thing just about all children love to do is color. Go to your local home improvement store and buy a piece of whiteboard. A 4-5 foot long piece will probably run $5 or so. This is big enough that several children can color on it at one time. Get the washable crayons rather than markers and let the kids go at it. They may not be playing together as such, but they're certainly aware of one another and will have to take turns using the different colors. There will be arguments over colors and who colors where, but that just encourages interaction and it is up to you and the other parents to keep it friendly.

You should also take a look at what your child enjoys doing with you that could be done with other children. From playing catch to board games, there are many ways to get young children interested in playing with each other. If your child learns to do something with you, they may be more interested in other kids when they realize that they can do that activity with them as well.

Being a stay at home parent does not mean you are depriving your children socially, but it can mean you have to put some thought into the matter. You can't just stay home all day; you need to take your children out to play where they will encounter other children. You don't have to spend a lot of money on this, just some time.
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BONUS : American Teens Say They Want Quality Time With Parents

A new national poll contradicts the conventional wisdom that teenagers want their parents to "just leave them alone."

Up to 67 percent of America's teens say they actually want to spend more time with their parents. That's according to an online survey of 1,250 adults and teens conducted by Opinion Research Corporation.

Nearly half of the teens who responded said they would be happier and better adjusted if they were able to spend more time with their parents or other adult caregivers, such as grandparents, aunts, uncles or adults outside the family.

"While most make it through adolescence without excessive stress, teenagers are at greater risk of school drop out, arrest, drug use and some psychological disorders than other age groups," explains Dr. Holly Kreider, a research associate at the Harvard Family Research Project at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. "This is when they need engaged adults in their lives, to help separate the good from the bad and to know that they have a chance for a great future ahead of them."

The survey shows what some say is a clear disconnect in a number of American families. While nearly a quarter of teen respondents said their parents don't seem to have enough time to spend with them, the majority of the parents surveyed did not report having struggles with finding enough time to spend with their kids. Dr. Kreider says this disconnect may be the result of parents underestimating the amount of time their kids want and need from adults.

But parents are faced with many demands for their time, ranging from careers, to their own hobbies and activities, to potentially caring for their own adult parents-all things that can take away from the time they might otherwise spend with their children. Single parents may have even less time for their kids. So how can a parent achieve more quality time with a teen?

Dr. Kreider, who has worked extensively on programs that strengthen parent involvement and engagement, advises parents to seek out local family resources. She has served as an advisor to Boys & Girls Clubs of America (BGCA), an organization that she says has recognized and responded to the needs of parents, with local assistance in strengthening families.

In particular, BGCA's Family P.L.U.S. (Parents Leading, Uniting Serving) initiative, which is funded through a $7 million grant from the Kimberly-Clark Corporation, provides family-strengthening activities and resources in local communities to help families become more stable, cohesive and connected. More information is available at www.bgca.org/pro grams/specialized.asp.

There's more good news for parents. Teens say it's the simple things-like taking walks, sharing meals, playing games, watching TV and talking more with each other-that they most want to do more of with their parents. They also say-and parents agree-that they'd like to spend more time as a family planning for the future.

"It may be surprising to many parents that teens don't expect lavish getaways just for family time, but rather that they would much rather have the quality time at home," said Kreider. "This should open the doors for many parents who were hesitant to ask their teen if they'd like to do something around the house together or to go see a movie."
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