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Going For A Win Win Result A Guide To Being Assertive

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Going For A Win-Win Result - A Guide To Being Assertive

"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others”

Sharon Anthony Bower

It is interesting that many people still confuse being assertive with being aggressive. How about you? Have you learnt the difference? Forgive me if you have, but for those of you who still aren’t quite clear, here is a quick guide to assertiveness – going for the win-win result.

Assertiveness is a behavior or skill that helps you to communicate, clearly and with confidence, your feelings, needs, wants and thoughts, whilst acknowledging the needs of others. It means that you are able to state your opinions without feeling self-conscious, as well as being able to express your emotions openly. Being assertive will enable you to make clear to others how you wish to proceed in all aspects of your life. At the same time you will value others, respecting their right to an opinion as well. Through effective, assertive communication you will be able to express how you wish to move forward.

Is there an issue that needs to be resolved? Before confronting someone, why not write down what you are going to say? Be polite, concise and include the following elements: the nature of the problem; how it affects you; how you feel about it; what you want to change. Be prepared to negotiate if necessary to bring resolution. By using tact and foresight and by making the effort to see the other point of view and acknowledging it you will place yourself in a position of strength. Be prepared to offer a compromise if that fits in with what you are aiming to achieve. Assertiveness does not mean digging your heels in for the sake of it!

Are you behaving passively? Do you think it is selfish to say what you want? Do you worry that if you refuse to do something, then people won’t like you? Or do you think that other people should know what you want? Sorry. Most people are so wound up with their own thoughts and worries that they usually haven’t time to be second-guessing you. By being clear and prepared to defend your own position if necessary, you will be able to build better relationships with those around you.

Feeling aggressive? Take it out in the gym, on a punch ball or on the running track rather than at work or at home. Aggression is emotion out of control and can be very destructive. A physical activity can help you to diffuse the aggression.

One of the great skills of an assertive person is the ability to say “no”. Be brief and to the point. Be honest. If you know an unwelcome request is coming your way practice saying “no” in advance. What are you going to say and do? If necessary, use the ‘Broken Record Technique’ where you just keep repeating your statement softly, calmly and persistently. Don’t confuse rejecting a request with rejecting the person making the request. Most people are happy to accept an honest “no” if it is expressed appropriately. The first time will be the hardest!

Practice the body movements of an assertive person. When standing, be upright and relaxed with open hand gestures. Relax your facial features and make firm and direct eye contact with whoever you are communicating with. This does not mean that you spend the day grinning! Your facial expression needs to be appropriate to how you are feeling, so that you don’t give out any mixed messages. If you are pleased, smile, but if you aren’t so happy with the way things are, feel free to frown.

Show a willingness to explore other solutions than your own if necessary. Encourage creativity from all. “How can we solve this problem?” will encourage others to tap into their resourcefulness. Sometimes it just takes a bit of encouragement.

Weigh the costs. Telling other people how you feel also makes it easier for them to communicate their feelings to you. Assertiveness is about acknowledging that all opinions are important – “I matter and so do you”. By being passive or aggressive you will lose out. Being assertive costs nothing but brings many benefits. You will be able to communicate better, command respect and be listened to within respectful, negotiating relationships. Win-Win? Definitely!


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BONUS : Good Employers Want a Balance of Assertiveness and Agressiveness . How to Cultivate that Vital Balance


Employers often avoid hiring overly aggressive employees as they drive business away. However employers want and hire assertive employees because assertive behavior projects capability and promotes a healthy productive working environment.What are these traits and how can you create a healthy balance?

Assertive behavior can be many things.It can be standing up for your rights, expressing yourself honestly, courtesly and comfortably as well as observing and respecting the rights of others. Assertive behavior promotes equality and a healthy balance in human relationship.Assertion is based on human – right- especially the right to be treated with respect in all situations.Every person has the right to be listened to and taken seriously, to say yes or no with conviction, to express his or her opinion, and ask for what he or she wants.

Assertive behavior is critical to a successful job search and career potent ional because it conveys self-esteem and capability.

Employers hire people who behave confidently and are able to convey their job descriptions comfortably and clearly.They want employees who strengthen human relations and project competence in the workplace. They hire applicants who demonstrate assertiveness in interviews, resumes, and all communications. To reach your full potential, be assertive and tactful expressing yourself, and respect the rights of others.

Generally personality types fall into three general categories.Nonassertive, aggressive and assertive.Employers avoid hiring nonassertive and aggressive employees because they are often detrimental in the workplace.

People who are nonassertive have difficulty expressing thoughts or feelings because they lack confidence.They may become unhappy because they permit others to abuse their rights.They project their feelings of unhappiness others.

Aggressive based people often violate the rights of others with domineering, pushy behavior.Their goal is to dominate because they fear loss of control.Overly aggressive employees drive business away.The good employers who you would wish to work for usually identify such trouble and avoid hiring these types.

Assertive behavior is essential to career success.Assertive people are confident, express their needs and opinions comfortably, and are sensitive to the needs of others. The type of employer that you would want to work for usuallysearch out assertive employees as their behavior projects capabilityand promotes a healthy , productive working environment.

What are techniques by which you can develop assertiveness?Practice expressing your feelings and needs calmly and clearly.As well continually demonstrate acceptance and respect for others by praising them sincerely and honestly whey they perform or behave well.

The whole point is to deal with other people in a sincere and truthful way.Imitate friendships. Express your opinions in meetings or conversations particularly when you strongly believe or are knowledgeable about the topic.Don’t talk just to be noticed.

Contribute something to each conversation.

It may help to join a professional or service organization or club.You can always volunteer.This is good way to network and build your assertive skills. Remember the type of employer that would have a pleasing, easy going workplace without great interpersonal conflicts is the place you want to be.

Generally the people who do the hiring in such progressive firms recognize the traits of the applicants that they wish to hire.A balance of assertive behavior without overly aggressive tendencies is preferred.Groom yourself for those personal traits.


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