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Taking The Plunge Meeting Your Online Match Part 1
So you made a success of it, you found a match online and now youre meeting up? Congratulations! The hardest part of the journey is over and now the fun begins. But remember that first impressions do count and if youre not careful, you could still mess things up at this stage. With this in mind, here are my top tips for your first face-to-face:
Firstly, make sure you choose the right venue; this may seem obvious but the choice of location can really make or break a date. Ideally you should choose somewhere thats public, with people around but where you can still hold a conversation.
Meeting at your house or your dates house is a definite no-no, this not only sends the wrong signals for a first date, but could potentially be unsafe however well you think you know someone online, they could still turn out to be a real world psychopath. Even worse, they could be really boring and fail to take the hint when its time to leave!
Cinemas are often regarded as good venues for dates, but think about it youre stuck for up to three hours with your date in a place where you cant talk or even look at each other properly; is that really the best environment to make an impression? Likewise the main dancefloor at Ministry of Sound is not ideal for an involved conversation.
Of course, this is not a definitive rule, you might have got chatting in the first place through a shared love of films or dance music, but for the majority of meetings a small intimate café or quiet pub provides the perfect environment for a little light conversation, some flirting and plenty of eye contact for that all important personal connection that is the key to a successful date.
Time of day can be an important factor for a meeting as well. Think about what kind of date you want to have. What do you know about your match already? Is he or she an all-night party animal or an afternoon tea on the lawn type? Studies show that our intentions in online dating are perceived differently depending on the time of day we choose to interact, and this also applies to real world dating.
If youre serious about looking for a long term partner and you think this match could possibly be the one, you should consider meeting earlier in the afternoon or evening. This gives the impression that you are a more sober and dependable character, and that your intentions are honest. If youre more into playing the field, or are aiming for a more casual and fun relationship then meeting up later in the evening should be fine.
Of course the time of day and venue have to also work together; cafés, art galleries, perhaps a visit to the aquarium are all classic afternoon or early evening activities, leaving time for you to continue to a bar or restaurant later if things are going particularly well. Late night dates are better suited to more upbeat or raucous activities such as gigs, ten-pin bowling or maybe a spot of salsa dancing.
Once again, there is no definitive formula that will help you to choose the perfect setting for your date, think about what you know about the person youre meeting up with, what the two of you have in common and try to choose a date scenario that reflects this. Above have fun, relax and be safe!
For more tips on face to face meetings see part 2 of this article
BONUS : Taking The Plunge Meeting Your Online Match (part 2)
In the first part of this article we looked at choosing the right circumstances for your perfect date, now lets take a look at the most important part of the equation you! Thinking about making the best possible impression on your date, here are a few dos and donts:
Do Shower, brush your teeth and wear clean clothes! Ok, ok, so that sounds like the most obvious thing in the world, right? Wrong! Good personal hygiene is really essential to successful dating, and many people make this basic blunder when meeting their match.
Dont Dress like youre going to a job interview. Maybe if youre going to the opera, or a posh restaurant a suit or a gown is appropriate; likewise if you dress smartly all the time anyway and you feel comfortable that way then go right ahead. However, if your usual attire is baggy slacks and a t shirt, you might want to consider tarting yourself up a little to show that you care, but digging out that old wedding suit and slathering a pound of Brylcreem over your hair is not going to make you seem appealing; dress like yourself wear what you feel most comfortable and confident in.
Do Try to relax and be confident (but not cocky!). If youre typically nervous on dates, try some breathing exercises - breathe steadily in through your mouth and out for your nose, counting slowly to seven in your head for each breath. Controlling your breathing in this way also lowers your heart rate and blood pressure, making it easier for you to relax into the situation. Some people find that a small drink before a date helps to calm their nerves; this is not a bad solution BUT
Dont Get stinking drunk before or during your date because youre nervous. Many people find they drink more quickly or heavily in pressure situations, not only because the alcohol helps us feel relaxed but because it gives us something to do with our hands and mouths. Keep an eye on the level in your glass, try not to drink too quickly, especially if your date is not doing so and, if you do find yourself drinking particularly quickly, try making every other drink a soft one.
Do Make good quality conversation with your date. This means having plenty to talk about but also allowing your date space to talk try not to dominate the conversation. If youre worried about drying up in conversation try looking back through the messages you have previously exchanged; what do you already know about your date? Think of questions you can ask that will give your date plenty to talk about without being too probing.
Dont talk about your ex all night! This is one of the worst faux pas you can make on a date. Its ok to make a passing mention or respond to a question (briefly!), but in the main your date is not going to want to hear about your previous failed romances. You should also avoid talking about your health problems, asking inappropriate or overly prying questions or making poorly chosen comments about your dates appearances; I like your hair/earrings/tie is probably a safer bet in most circumstances than What a great bum you have!
Above all, do remember that a good date should be fun for both parties. If youre relaxed, having a good time and being yourself then youve immediately improved your chances of a successful dating experience.
In the first part of this article we looked at choosing the right circumstances for your perfect date, now lets take a look at the most important part of the equation you! Thinking about making the best possible impression on your date, here are a few dos and donts:
Do Shower, brush your teeth and wear clean clothes! Ok, ok, so that sounds like the most obvious thing in the world, right? Wrong! Good personal hygiene is really essential to successful dating, and many people make this basic blunder when meeting their match.
Dont Dress like youre going to a job interview. Maybe if youre going to the opera, or a posh restaurant a suit or a gown is appropriate; likewise if you dress smartly all the time anyway and you feel comfortable that way then go right ahead. However, if your usual attire is baggy slacks and a t shirt, you might want to consider tarting yourself up a little to show that you care, but digging out that old wedding suit and slathering a pound of Brylcreem over your hair is not going to make you seem appealing; dress like yourself wear what you feel most comfortable and confident in.
Do Try to relax and be confident (but not cocky!). If youre typically nervous on dates, try some breathing exercises - breathe steadily in through your mouth and out for your nose, counting slowly to seven in your head for each breath. Controlling your breathing in this way also lowers your heart rate and blood pressure, making it easier for you to relax into the situation. Some people find that a small drink before a date helps to calm their nerves; this is not a bad solution BUT
Dont Get stinking drunk before or during your date because youre nervous. Many people find they drink more quickly or heavily in pressure situations, not only because the alcohol helps us feel relaxed but because it gives us something to do with our hands and mouths. Keep an eye on the level in your glass, try not to drink too quickly, especially if your date is not doing so and, if you do find yourself drinking particularly quickly, try making every other drink a soft one.
Do Make good quality conversation with your date. This means having plenty to talk about but also allowing your date space to talk try not to dominate the conversation. If youre worried about drying up in conversation try looking back through the messages you have previously exchanged; what do you already know about your date? Think of questions you can ask that will give your date plenty to talk about without being too probing.
Dont talk about your ex all night! This is one of the worst faux pas you can make on a date. Its ok to make a passing mention or respond to a question (briefly!), but in the main your date is not going to want to hear about your previous failed romances. You should also avoid talking about your health problems, asking inappropriate or overly prying questions or making poorly chosen comments about your dates appearances; I like your hair/earrings/tie is probably a safer bet in most circumstances than What a great bum you have!
Above all, do remember that a good date should be fun for both parties. If youre relaxed, having a good time and being yourself then youve immediately improved your chances of a successful dating experience.
